


decisions travel far from heart to head

by Lise (thissugarcane)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Marriage, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, no infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22255942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thissugarcane/pseuds/Lise
Summary: This isn't the happy ending, because adulting is harder than 'I love you', it's what comes after that's work and sometimes can't be fixed. (vaguely post season 8.)Keith took Shiro's hand, and told him, "I love you, Shiro, you're my family. You'll always be my family." The next day, he signed up to take a two-phoeb mission to Balmera.
Relationships: Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	decisions travel far from heart to head

**Author's Note:**

> I will always be indebted to musesfool for telling me to just turn iTunes on and press "shuffle" when I can't find a title, thank god. Title from "maybe, maybe" by Aha. Originally this was called "season 8 makes me angry". Also, I don't think this is really horribly sad? But it's not a happy ending. Not yet. It's the hopeful middle!
> 
> No cheating, Keith isn't pining, he watches Shiro and Curtis get married and is happy about it, as much as he's sad.

Everyone expected Keith to be angry, or sullen, or withdrawn, at the wedding.

"Rushed," Pidge had said, cautiously.

"A surprise! Unexpected. Hah," Hunk said.

Lance hadn't said anything, and Matt was the best man.

No one actually asked Keith, because his friends knew better, or didn't want to be stabbed. They were doubly surprised when he seemed happy, genuine, at the wedding.

No one asked about what Shiro had said before, either.

-

"Keith."

It was always sad, the way Shiro said his name, and Keith took a deep breath. The Captain of the Atlas didn't really have time to mince words anymore. "I-- yeah, Shiro."

Shiro looked to the side, sorrowful, as if he couldn't meet Keith's eyes. "My therapist thinks I need to set better boundaries," Shiro told him quietly. "But I don't-- I can't imagine what that could look like. I need you. I love--"

"What kinds of boundaries?" Keith interrupted, because he knew what the therapist was getting at, how Shiro couldn't let go of guilt any more than he could let go of shame, or grief, and that his refusal to deal was worse when he had Keith to help him. He wouldn't ever heal, with Keith to be there.

"I told her I wanted a relationship with you," Shiro said, even quieter. "That we were trying."

This was why Keith ignored his optional mental health appointments, he didn't say out loud. Instead, he took Shiro's hand, and told him, "I love you, Shiro, you're my family. You'll always be my family."

The next day he signed up to take a two-phoeb mission to Balmera.

-

As Curtis and Shiro cut their cake, Pidge sidled up to where Keith leaned against the wall, half hidden by one of the hall's huge pillars. "So," she said.

Keith sighed. "Whatever it is..." he warned.

"No, no," Pidge replied, waving her hand in the air casually. "If you want heartfelt feelings or comfort food go talk to one of the others. I just need to know if I'm gonna end up an accomplice to homicide by the end of the evening. Gotta pace the champagne."

Keith laughed. "Nothing like that. It's just kinda crowded."

He waved out at the dance floor, where Hunk was making a scene, and everyone else. Pidge snorted. "Sure." After a moment, she said, not quite a question, "He didn't even ask you to be best man, Keith. No one would blame you for being a little pissed off. Okay? That's all."

Keith shook his head. "Who says he didn't?" he said, before clamping his mouth closed.

"What?!"

Keith looked around frantically. "I wasn't supposed to-- damn, Pidge, Matt can't find out."

"So he did ask you? Before he asked Matt?" Pidge whispered. "I don't know if that's better or worse."

Shiro had asked. Shiro had asked, and then immediately told Keith he could turn it down because of the attention and the speeches and the-- and the everything. "I just want you to know I'd like you there, beside me," Shiro had told him. "But I know it wouldn't be great for you."

Pidge waited expectantly, and Keith knew she wouldn't be put off without the truth.

"I hate speeches, and being the centre of attention," Keith said. "And Matt... he's here. On-planet. I'm--" and he hunched his shoulders. "I've spent seven movements in this sector in the last seven phoebs. This is an intergalactic affair. The best man had to be present."

"Bullshit," Pidge said. "But I'll take it."

"It's not--" and Keith cut himself off, shook his head, frustrated. Pidge, as usual, got bored and wandered away, and Keith was saved the pain of explaining how watching the one person he loved above all others marry someone else was actually a good thing.

-

Because here's the thing: Shiro's therapist wasn't wrong.

"I haven't seen you lately," Shiro said.

His smile had lost a lot of the pain, a lot of the sorrow. Keith smiled, himself, to see it. "The Blades have been busy," he apologized. "And, they want me everywhere, I guess."

"You're a powerful symbol, Keith," Shiro said, and didn't seem to see at all what type of a horrible weight, the terrible burden, such phrases held. Keith nodded, because he knew he was a symbol, but the Blade knew him as a man, too; Shiro, for himself, was obviously still working on that part.

-

Two phoebs turned into four, and then five, and they kept up over vidcalls. One time, Shiro looked unhappy. "What's wrong, Shiro?"

"I..." and he turned away from Keith. By now, the tell was obvious: he was about to say something he thought would splinter Keith's heart. "Someone asked me to dinner, yesterday."

"Oh." Keith was genuinely surprised, even though he probably shouldn't be. "How was it?"

"I said no, Keith!" Shiro said. "I can't, I don't know how to-- and anyway, who could really understand what we've been through?" he asked, mostly to himself. "No one really knows, but you, and I don't-- anyway." He smiled, a bit shaky. "Anyway, I don't see myself dating, right now. Being the Atlas captain is too much responsibility for me to be able to put myself out there, you know?"

"Not really," Keith replied, then lied impulsively, "I've dated some, and I have almost as much responsibility as you do."

Shiro's face was heartbroken for a minute, then it cleared up.

Keith only hated himself a little for it.

-

Hunk tried next. "Brought you some cake!" he said.

Keith had migrated to his assigned table, right next to the wedding party and with Pidge and Romelle. "Thanks," he told Hunk, warily.

"So, Pidge said to leave you alone," Hunk said, kindly, "But you don't look like you're having much fun. And that just isn't right!"

"Uh, it's not my sort of party?" Keith offered.

"What, loud, full of food and music and drinks and-- oh, yeah," Hunk said slowly. "I guess that really isn't your type of party. But I was, uh," and Hunk trailed off.

Keith decided to forestall any attempts, however well-meaning, to cheer him up. It was already a long night. "I'm not heartbroken, or pining, or going to commit homicide," he said.

Hunk looked alarmed. "I didn't think you, uh, were?"

"Pidge," Keith explained, and Hunk's expression cleared.

"Yeah, I guess homicide is where her thoughts would go first," he said. "But seriously, you're... I mean, Keith, we're all here for you, too, you know? We kinda watched you pine for six decaphoebs, plus or minus some space reality stuff, so, it's sorta weird you're all fine now, okay?"

"I'm really okay, Hunk," Keith insisted. "Thanks for the cake."

-

Six decaphoebs, plus two on a space-whale, of pining gave Keith everything he wanted but none of what Shiro needed.

-

Shiro's therapist wasn't happy when he tagged along, one session. "This is not protocol," she protested.

Keith glared, then tried to let go of his anger. It wasn't her fault she was the bearer of bad news, and it wasn't Shiro's fault he couldn't hear what she had to say, and it wasn't Keith's fault he couldn't fix what was broken. See, Garrison medical? He didn't need therapy at all. Krolia's boxing training was just as good.

"Just," Keith started, and didn't look at Shiro. "Just tell me why Shiro and I wouldn't be good together. Why the relationship isn't a good idea."

"You know I can't--"

"It's okay," Shiro said. "Please, tell him, so we can fix it."

The therapist's face softened, and she said, "Shiro, some things -- not everything is a problem to be fixed."

Keith raised an eyebrow at her, waiting. "Keith," the therapist said, "I don't know anything of your emotional state aside from what Shiro has told me. But Shiro is still harbouring guilt, and grief, and a lot more, much of it tied up in his feelings for you. You lived his trauma, you helped him through it, the way he helped you. And that's amazing, and I would never suggest you should deny yourselves that comfort.

"But, expecting someone to be everything... this is peace time," the therapist said quietly. "And to be peace time, you have to work at peace."

Keith knew Shiro had heard "work". He himself had heard "everything".

-

Both of them were right, and wrong.

-

"I'm sorry," Lance told him quietly.

Keith was getting ready to leave, which made Lance's concern even harder. "I miss him," Keith admitted, softly. "I do."

"Then why did you give him up?" Lance asked. "You fight for everything, but this."

Keith always fought for Shiro. But he couldn't be everything, and the problem was they could never be happy together without learning what other people could be. Keith had his mom, the Blades, the other Paladins. Shiro, for all his kind words and determination and openness, had held himself apart. Alone.

"He'll always be mine," he told Lance. "And I'll always be his. But he can't look at me, without seeing this scar."

Shiro couldn't put down the weight on his shoulders without learning to share it, and so Shiro fell for someone else, married someone else. Someone else who could teach him to live without guilt, which for Shiro, and peace, and right now, was more important than love.

"I'd be green with jealousy."

"We'll always love each other," Keith said, and shrugged. Maybe things would change. Maybe they wouldn't. Shiro would always be first, for Keith. Shiro just had to learn how to be first, to himself.

-

Matt didn't say anything to Keith, except at the hastily-planned engagement party. Matt was drunk off Galra brandy, or something, and listing very heavily to one side. "It's like fucking Kerberos all over again," he'd slurred at Keith, and patted Keith's cheek. "God, just standing on the launch pad, watching us get into the ship, all alone in that fugly orange uniform."

Keith had had too much Galra brandy, himself, maybe -- because instead of denying it, or laughing it off, he just collapsed against Matt heavily. Keith didn't bother pointing out he wasn't alone, this time, because it wasn't the point.

"He comes back," Keith told Matt, and shook his head. Refused to stare at Shiro, who'd had the gall to fall for a good man, one who recognised and respected the relationship Shiro and Keith had. Keith _liked_ Curtis, even.

"No, you go and get him!" Matt replied, and slapped Keith's ass.

"not this time," Keith muttered.

"huh," Matt said, staring at him sharply. "I take it back: it's fucking Naxzela."

Matt, the one who'd seen it, was the only one that could get away with saying that. That was part of why Keith would talk to him.

"Eh," and Keith wavered his hand up and down. He wasn't sacrificing himself, only sort of, and he wasn't alone waiting for Shiro to come back to him. only sort of. "Bit of both, maybe," he admitted, still slurring. "but not really."

"Huh," Matt said again, but, this was really why Keith would tell him the truth: Matt dropped it, and got them both another drink... and never said another word about it.

-

Shiro had wanted to try to be together anyway. So they'd tried, tried to go from wartime desperation to domesticity. But the tension, the nightmares, two weeks in, were enough to convince Keith his therapist was right: Shiro needed more than Keith could give, Shiro couldn't settle into stillness like this. That wasn't anyone's fault, it just was.

No one could get better when they didn't have to talk about what had gone wrong, no matter how much the other person loved them.

-

He sidled up to the wedding party table in a quiet moment, after the first dance but before the threatened karaoke. "Hey," Keith said, eyes crinkled in a small smile. "I'm gonna take off, but I wanted to say congrats and stuff before I did. Early takeoff clearance tomorrow, so."

"Keith!" Shiro said, face all smiles. He looked so _happy_ , it made Keith smile, too. "Hey, you're-- wait, you're leaving, aw, okay, well--" and all two hundred fifty pounds of drunk Shiro wrapped itself around Keith in a bone-crushing hug. The other man tucked his face into Keith's neck -- no small feat since he was still taller than Keith.

"I love you," he whispered into the crook of Keith's neck, and for a moment Keith's heart clenched. Shiro's breath on his neck, his words on Keith's skin. Maybe one day that would mean something else. Maybe -- maybe. He glanced to Curtis, who was smiling even though his husband was holding onto another man as if he'd never let go.

The universe had a lot of room for a lot of feelings. Keith took comfort in that.

He whispered, so quietly Shiro might not even hear it, "I love you too, always."

Then he left, and got on his ship, and went back to the Blades, and was even happy about it.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and then Shiro and Curtis have a good four years of marriage, they split up because people get pulled in a thousand different directions and it's nobody's fault, but Shiro doesn't want kids and Curtis wants to transition to a dirtside posting or something, and THEN Keith and Shiro reconnect and are BOTH in a place to be able to a. accept their love and b. ask other people for support in return! theend.


End file.
